Let's Go Rule the World!
by Not So Sane
Summary: Harry is saved from the Dursleys. New friends are made. The Dark Lord reveals his true self and Teddy is immortal. Will Harry survive his new family? ch1&2 edited. Warnings: nongraphic slash that doesn't involve Harry.
1. Mission impossible

**Disclaimer: ****WE'VE ONLY BORROWED THEM! Please don't sue! WE SWEAR….WE OWN NOTHING!**

Mission impossible

_Håkon: This chapter will be much more enjoyable when listening to the Mission Impossible theme song...by Limp bizkit_

_Ingrid: Yay!_

Harry was lying unconscious in the cupboard.

Vernon had been drunk again; it seemed to be happening more and more often nowadays. And Vernon wasn't particularly fond of Harry when he was drunk...not that he liked him when he wasn't drunk, he just really _really _didn't like him drunk.

So when he came home that night and found Harry fast asleep in his room instead of finishing the list of chores (which, by the way, was ridiculously long and impossible to do in just a day) he got mad. Very mad.

He had spent two whole hours beating the boy and finished by throwing him back in his old bedroom, the cupboard under the stairs.

And that's why Harry was now lying unconscious in the cupboard.

At the same time, in the house next door...

Thomas Rogers had just finished eating dinner with his wife and son and was now about to take out the garbage, when he heard hushed voices from outside the door.

"Wouldn't it have been a good idea to find out where he lived _before_ we set out on this ridiculous rescue mission. I mean...honestly" A man's voice said, sounding tired and inpatient (and just a tad bitchy)

"I mean. you, of all people, should know. Doesn't Dumbledore tell you _anything_?"

"It would be a hell of a lot easier to remember if you'd stop bitching about it for ten bloody seconds." Another man snapped.

"No need to be rude, I was merely pointing out the fact that we are _lost_" The first voice hissed back.

"Are we there yet?" A younger voice said, this one also male.

"I have to pee" A girl complained

"Well, you should have gone before we left...Go behind the bushes"

"What? No! I don't want to…" The girl-voice cried.

"Would you bitches shut up?" The second man roared.

"Why don't we just ask someone for directions?" The boy asked

"I DO _NOT _NEED THE HELP OF SOME MUGGLE!"

"Oh, for the sake of...I'LL DO IT" the first man exclaimed

Thomas Rogers quickly backed away from the door as he heard a knock on the door. Not really wanting to meet whoever it was, he hesitantly turned the knob. He opened it a little bit and peeked out..

"Er...yes?" he asked

"Muggle! Do you know the whereabouts of the young mister. Potter?" A tall man with long blonde hair asked.

"Er...What?"

"The Potter kid! Where.Does.He.Live?" A smaller blonde asked slowly, as if talking to a small child.

"Er..." Not knowing what to say he pointed to the house right next door, Nr. 4 Private Drive

"What? We've walked around here for ages and he lives here..._right next door_! Man!" the girl said, throwing her hands up.

"Shut up, nitwit!" the blonde boy snapped

"You shut up, _DeDe_" the girl answered

"Stop calling me that"

"Or what? You'll hurt me?"

"I can try"

"good luck"

The boy opened his mouth to answer when tallest of the men, a pale man with black hair and a little hooked nose cut him off.

"If you don't both shut up, I'm going to personally tie you sodding kids up and make you go to one of The Dark Lord's 'tea-parties'." He said and glared

Thomas Rogers was now getting really frightened. Who wouldn't be? First someone calls him a...muggle, whatever that is. Then they want to know where Harry Potter lives, now Rogers didn't really know the teenager next door, but he had heard the Dursleys talk about him. Apparently he was some big time criminal who went to a school for juvies. St. Brutus or something of the sort. And now kids were being threatened. Who the hell is The Dark Lord?

Rogers took a few steps back when the dark man pulled something out from his robe (what's with the freaky clothes anyway?).

"Sorry to have bothered you, I assure you, this will all be forgotten in the morning, if not sooner. _Obliviate_!"

The last thing Rogers saw was a bright light before he slipped into a calmed state of mind, not remembering anything that had happened the last ten minutes. Humming happily to himself, he took out the garbage. He only frowned a bit when he saw four oddly dressed people approach the house next door. People nowadays, always trying to stand out he thought to himself as he entered the house again.

The raven haired boy in the cupboard was completely oblivious to his surroundings. He didn't notice the door being unlocked and he didn't see four figures hovering over him and he didn't hear their hushed conversation..er..argument.

"Alright, let's do this shit" the girl said, clapping her hands.

AN: there you have it, folks! The first chapter of our story! Now, if you press the little button in the corner which says 'go' and leave a review for us we will be very happy. In fact, we will do a happy dance! Yupyup.

Hugs and kisses from Ingrid and Håkon

Leader of the 'track down peter pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad and

Second leader of the 'track down peter pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad


	2. Pinky and the brain

**Pinky and the brain**

_(A.N: Now, for this chapter, we liked to listen to the wonderful song: Pinky and the brain!)_

_Ingrid: You just sit back and enjoy!_

_Håkon: Shut up! I'm playing Tetris!_

_**---Dream---**_

Voldemort was happy. So many flowers, beautiful flowers in all colours. He liked flowers. Pink flowers were his favourites. He smelled one of the pink ones and loved it. Why did he always end up having his headquarters in dark dungeons? He didn't like it, it made him sad. He wiped a tear and hugged his teddy bear closer. Wormtail enters. AWWW! He always made him kill and torture people, the sick bastard.

"What are we doing today, Wormtail?" He asked.

"What we always try to do! We kill Harry Potter and try to take over the world! And why are you still hugging that sodding teddy bear? I told you to kill it! Kill it now! "

"Avada Kedavra" Voldemort said, knowing that it would never hurt Teddy. Stupid Wormtail didn't know that Teddy was immortal.

"He is dead. Happy?" Voldie asked.

"Yes, he is dead... DEAD! MOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" He almost screamed.

"Now go kill Harry Potter!" he said. "And while you're at it, fetch me some firewhisky!"

_**---Dream---**_

Harry woke up bewildered. What was that? That could never have been real. He fell asleep again, only to be awakened by the door slamming. He sat up and realized how naked he was. Why was he naked? Had he been taking drugs again? Nah, he would have remembered. He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw a little girl running across the room, heading towards the closet. She turned to him and whispered:

"You _never_ saw me!"

She then quickly hid inside his closet. Wait... a closet? He didn't own a closet...

Where was he?

"GAAAAAH!" someone screamed. Harry heard thundering footsteps and nearly fell out of the bed when the door slammed open revealing a purple haired Draco Malfoy. Malfoy took a moment to compose himself.

"Mornin, Potter" he said, proceeding towards the closet and knocked on the door.

"Come out of the closet, Adriana!" Malfoy said.

"I'm not in the closet" came the muffled voice.

"Come out of the closet. No one is going to be mad at you, I'm not going to kill you. Come out of the closet."

"But I'm… I'm not in the closet"

"Then how am I talking to you, Adriana?"

"…"

_(A.N: yes, we have been watching south park)_

"Adriana!" Malfoy opened the door and looked down at the girl

"You know, I'm not really here…you're just imagining things, I swear…ask Harry"

Malfoy calmly picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. He opened the bathroom door, walked inside and disappeared from Harry's view. The sound of water running and a high pitched scream was all he heard before Malfoy left the room, quickly muttering "bye, Potter"

Harry was baffled, and that's putting it mildly. He decided to get out of bed. His clothes were gone, replaced by some sort of designer-outfit consisting of simple jeans and a shirt.

_Håkon__- imagine a leather-costume and Harry putting it eagerly on. He loves leather...:D_

_Ingrid__- You would like that wouldn't you? Pervert. Weren't you busy playing Tetris?_

_Håkon__: TETRIS_

The girl came out from the bathroom, dripping water on the floor as she went. She looked young, perhaps eleven years or something like that Harry mused.

She was currently wringing water out of the bottom of her shirt, having seemingly forgotten all about Harry. This made him nervous. Of course a lot of things made him nervous. Like…Dementors…and Dumbledore…and…cows…or was it called cattle? Harry didn't know.

He shook his head. '_Focus Harry, focus_.' He was worried what might happen to him if he didn't stay alert. He'd read about these kinds of things…boys getting kidnapped and used as toys. Forced to do all kinds of dirty things and…Harry drifted off again.

A hand waving in front of his face brought him back to reality.

"Hellooo." The girl from before was standing inches away, staring at him.

"Eep"

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Oh…okay. I'm Adriana"

"Harry" He answered. It didn't really occur to him that giving his name away to strangers was perhaps not the smartest thing to do, before it was too late. He slapped his forehead. The girl was now staring at him like he was an idiot….or at least crazy. Actually, it seemed more like a mix of the two. She was staring at him like he was a crazy idiot. Not that that wasn't unusual…

"So…" He said, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. "Where am I?"

"My house" Adriana answered. The silence returned.

"...right..." Harry was definetly beginning to feel uneasy now.

He was about to ask if there was anyone else in the house when he got his answer.

"ADRIANAAA!" A voice boomed through the house. "Where the HELL are you?"

Harry turned to face Adriana, but she was already running towards the closet again.

"You _never_ saw me!" she whispered, as she closed the door.

Again, the door was slammed open. Harry couldn't have been more shocked when he saw Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape enter. It took all of Harry's willpower not to burst out laughing when he saw that the elder Malfoy's hair was the same shade of purple as his son. He was absolutely seething while Snape looked mildly amused.

"You!" Malfoy screamed. "Where is she!"

"Er... I never saw her?" Harry tried.

"Try the closet" the younger Malfoy drawled from the doorway. (AN: Because, you know, the Malfoy family does an awful lot of drawling.)

Lucius yanked the door open, making Adriana tumble outside.

"Hello, Lucius" she said, smiling. "Can I help you with something?"

"You could die" Lucius practically screeched.

"Why? What did I do? And why is you're hair purple?" She asked with an innocent face.

"Like you don't know!" He whispered dangerously.

"Ehm.. Daddy? He scares me" Adriana said, looking pleadingly at Snape

Harry thought this as a moment suitable for interruption:

"Wait... Snape? Snape's your father? SNAPE? When did Snape have sex? SNAPE!"

"As much as I hate to shatter your illusions of me as a forever lonely greasy git, I DO have a love life. Not that it's any of your buisness, Potter." Snape said, promptly ignoring Lucius' cough that sounded much like "last night"

Harry didn't ask, he _didn't_ want to know.

"Oh...okay..." There was another one of those long uncomfortable silences before Adriana spoke.

"Well...I'll just be going then...bye!" Before she'd even finished the sentence, she was bolting out the door with a raging Malfoy sr. on her tail.

And Harry was left alone in the room, with Snape. He gulped.

"I suppose you want some answers, Potter?" He said

"That would be nice, yes."

Another silence, where in Snape rolled his eyes, seemingly cursing the moment he decided to take the boy into his house

"Well?" he snapped

"Well what?" Harry asked

"What do you want to know?" Snape said, slowly, as if he was talking to a small child.

"Er...Are you people gonna kill me." Was the only thing Harry could think of.

"Yes, Potter…We put you in a nice, comfy bed and gave you clothes just to lure you into a false sense of security. We are preparing your death right now, it's going to be horrible and painful and incredibly slow. Really, I look forward to it." Snape answered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"…"

"Oh, for….We're not going to kill you." Snape exclaimed, rolling his eyes at Harry's stupidity. "Honestly" He said, rolling his eyes impatiently.

"Right… then why am I here? And who was that girl?"

"You are here because Voldemort wanted you here. As for Adriana, she is my daughter."

"WHAT? Why? I don't….but…you…WHAT? Since when did you have a daughter?" Harry stuttered, then he seemed to think

_(AN: wow)_

"Why does Voldemort want me here?" He then asked

Snape was about to answer when Voldemort himself walked into the bedroom

"Sevvie! How are you today? Fine? That's nice….OOOOH, look who's up!" The dark lord said quickly, with a huge smile.

Harry screamed, and not a masculine 'what the hell is going on' kind of scream. No sir, Harry's scream was high-pitched and lasted for what seemed like forever. Voldemort was impressed.

"Hiya Harry" He said cheerfully when Harry had stopped screaming and was nearly hyperventilating.

"You…..but…AAWW….I _am_ going to die, aren't I? You weren't kidding!" He pouted.

"Oh heavens, no. What on earth gave you that idea?" Voldemort laughed

"Well, I don't know. Maybe because you've done nothing but trying to kill me since I was a BABY?" Harry screeched. Voldemort smiled sheepishly.

"Oh, that. Sorry 'bout that, by the way. But it wasn't really me. I was forced to do all those horrible things. Honestly, I would much rather spend my time playing with Teddy, than waste it on killing muggles and such." He said, scratching the back of his bald head.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Harry asked incredulously. What was this, an insult to his intellect? He wasn't _that_ stupid. He was just a little slow when he'd just woken up.

"Potter, I realize that this is all very unbelievable, I know. But he's telling the truth. Voldemort has always been under Wormtail's command, it's been Wormtail all along who's been the…er…brain behind these things." Snape said

"Wormtail? But he's like…an idiot! I've met him! He's really stupid. And you" Harry said, pointing at Voldemort "You've always bossed him around."

"We're pretty good actors don't you think? Wormtail said that I should be the Dark lord, since there was a good chance that someone would try and kill me." Voldemort said, looking proud.

"But I've seen you use crucio on him" Harry was getting really confused

"I couldn't resist. He was really mad at me when we got home. He ripped of one of Teddy's ears as punishment." Voldemort said, eyes watering as he remembered the horrible ripping-sound.

"So…are you good then?" Harry asked

"God, no!" Voldemort exclaimed. "I'm as evil as they get, I just don't see the meaning of killing everyone. It's so much more fun, having them alive. I mean, what's the point of ruling anything if there isn't anyone there to rule, and be mean to, and make them live in fear… Teddy need's fear to stay alive. He feeds of fear. And I never wanted to kill you, that was Wormtail, he was jealous of James. He wanted Lily too. So he got a little…mad when you were born."

"Oh…" This was all a little much for Harry to take in.

"Look, why don't we go down and eat supper. We can talk more later. You must be famished." Voldemort said, patting Harry's shoulder,

Harry nodded. He _was_ very hungry. They didn't really like feeding him at the Dursley's.

His stomach growled as they walked down to the dining-room.

_AN: That's it for today, folks!_

_We're already working on the next chapter...we'll have it done...soon...maybe!_

_Håkon__: Or in a long while..._

_Ingrid__: You're right...we're slow! _

_Håkon__: TETRIS!_

_Ingrid__: Shut up!_

HUGS AND KISSES from:

The first and second leader of the 'track down peter pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad!

Håkon sends you lots of spanking!


	3. I'd do anything for cookies

**AN: **Just so people know, this story has been deleted and reposted. I had to change e few things…

For those who read the fic when it first was posted; I'm a bad girl. I know I haven't been updating much lately…okay, so I forgot all about it, but believe it or not, I actually have a reason. You see….sniffle Håkon, my wonderful co-writer left me. No, really…he did. He moved away. bitter

Umm…I had to change my name…stupid more than 30 letters my ass….mutters Anyhow, I'm no longer Leader of the 'track down peter Pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad. I had to make a new one….so I had to settle for Not so Sane…I don't like it half as much as my old name, though.

I'm going to _try_ keeping this story going. Even though I've totally forgotten the plot. Oh, well….I'LL MAKE A NEW ONE!

And for those who's going "damnit, she made a Mary Sue" at my Adriana-character. That's so not true…she happens to have an extremely small part in this fic. And it's not like she's some super-human…she's just a little girl.

I've made a few adjustments to chapter 1 & 2, because I realised that I'd written Adriana to old. She was around Harry's age at first…but then I changed it and now she's going to be a first year at Hogwarts.

As I wrote this, I realised that my Voldemort is actually quite similar to Ryuichi Sakuma from Gravitation. Freakeh.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them…I just play with them. And take advantage of them…and occasionally dress them up in women's clothing. Yay!

**Chapter 3**

**I'd do anything for cookies!**

_In which the floors get cleaned and Harry doesn't get a button._

The floors at grimmauld place were starting to look better. Molly had decided that the house needed a cleaning up, and had ordered the entire Order to get some order in the house (AN: I just needed to get that out of my system...puh, I feel better now)

All the house's occupants were spread out around the house, cleaning different rooms. We now enter the study, where we find Ron and Hermione. They were _supposed_ to clean the room together, but as things were, Ron was cleaning and Hermione was reading a big-ass book.

Had Ron been a normal boy, he might have complained over the fact that his girlfriend didn't help him. But Ron wasn't a normal boy.

You see, he had a secret. He loved being pushed around. _He loved it._ Especially when Hermione was doing the pushing.

He loved Hermione.

He loved her because she was pretty and smart and she just scared the living shit out of him. There was nothing he would rather do, than being her man-bitch. Of course, if confronted about it, he'd deny it vehemently.

Life was good. That is, if one don't count evil Dark Lords and War and other not good things…like bad body-odour.

They were startled out of the comfortable silence that had settled over the house when the front door slammed and Mrs. Black started hollering on about purebloods and blood traitors and midgets and whatnot.

A dark, hooded and mysterious stranger-sort of type glided into the room, he was all black cloak and robes and even the slightest movement of the fabrics seemed mysterious.

Ron watched the stranger in amazement, and he couldn't help but thinking that '_Snape would be SO jealous_'.

Even Mrs. Black stopped screaming to stare at this new person/creature/thingamabob.

The man had everyone watching in amazement. It was like Zorro had walked in…at least, that's what they would be thinking if they knew who Zorro was.

Anyway, the mood was quickly ruined by Molly's impatient voice and the standard foot-tapping noise that usually followed.

"Lupin, honestly. If I knew it was going to be like this, I would have never have given you that blasted cloak."

Remus just shrugged the robe of his shoulders and smiled one of his innocent smiles. Not that Molly was going to fall for it, but he did it anyways.

At Molly's stern expression his smile faltered.

"But Molly….I look cool in it…" He said meekly as he hugged the cloak tightly in his arms.

The magical moment that had begun when he walked into the house was over, and those who had stared were now going back to their business, muttering about crazy werewolves and their time of the month.

Molly had her arms crossed and an annoyed glare directed at Remus.

"You don't look cool in it, you look like an idiot." She said

"N…no, I don't..."

"Yes, you do, now, put the damn cloak away and help me prepare the food for the meeting."

"…but..,"

"No"

"But if I just..."

"No"

"…I just want t.."

"Lupin!"

"Yes?"

"No"

"No?"

"No"

Molly pushed the dejected werewolf into the kitchen, ignoring his weak protests.

Ron, who was still standing in the hallway, was staring at the cloak Remus had left there.

It was pretty…maybe he could try it on. Just once…he always liked being pretty. Ron reached for the fabric

"RON!!" Hermione's strict voice made him jump backwards and into a wall. He suppressed a shiver. '_I love that girl._' He thought as his heart started beating normal again. '_Man, she scared the crap out of me_'

He ran down the hall to his girl.

_Did you miss Harry? I did. So now we're going to visit him and the others_

Harry soon grew accustomed to the weird family which lived at Snape manor. Sure, Snape terrified him, and his daughter was equally scary. Draco was driving him crazy with his girlyness and Malfoy was disturbingly bitchy at times. But Harry soon found himself feeling at home. Even Voldemort's frequent visits didn't freak him out anymore. In fact, he'd taken to like the Dark Lord and his sidekick, Teddy.

Harry lay on his bed, contemplating everything he'd learned these last few days. He remembered the talk they'd had at dinner the first day he arrived at the manor.

flashback

___**Flashbacks make my toes tingle)**_

"_Harry, join the dark side" Snape said when they had finished dining. _

"_Why? Are you dark?" Harry said, confused. _

"_Yes. Come to the dark side. We have cookies" _

_Adriana walked in, carrying a tray full of large, delicious cookies. _

"_I'll give you a cookie if you join" she said, smiling. _

"_But…. Voldemort killed my parents!"_

"_No, Du__mbledoobie did" Voldie said._

_Harry choked on his drink "What? Why?" He spluttered. ("And Dumbledoobie?" He thought sceptically? "Seriously…Dumbledoobie?")_

_Voldemort shrugged. "I dunno! To put the blame on me, most likely." He scratched his chin "He's always been odd that way. Real power hungry ya know. Always looked at me as a threat, thinking that I was out to steal his glory! The nutcase!" _

"_Oh… Well, in that case…." (____ easily persuaded)_

"_Great! We can brand you with the dark mark tonight! Oh, Teddy, this is sooo exiting!" Voldemort giggled_

_**was it good for you?)**_

end flashback

It was now the night for his initiation-cermony. Voldemort had gathered every one of his death eaters and told Harry to wear "something stylish".

Draco laughed when he saw Harry's old wardrobe, which earned him a pair of Dudley's old boxers (Harry later swore he had never worn them…but Dudley…that's a different matter) chucked at his face.

After a whole lot of nagging from Draco, Harry finally agreed to borrow something from the blonde. And he did it with a pout.

"Honestly, Harry. These clothes aren't_ that _bad. They're just _clean…_and don't you even think for a _second_ that you won't be too when I'm done with you." Draco said while waving a white shirt.

"I don't get it. I'm going to wear Death eater robes, why do my clothes have to be all fancy. It's not like anyone is going to see them" Harry said and wrinkled his nose at the thought of wearing newly pressed clothes. Draco just shook his head overbearing. It was obvious that Harry was fashionably disabled. He probably couldn't help it. Some people were just born that way.

"And what's with the branding anyway….can't I just get a button? Buttons are good, I like buttons. Buttons don't…get branded into your skin!" Harry continued his rambling and ignored Draco and the white shirt.

Draco decided he'd had enough and pulled Harry down to a chair.

"Look, you can't have a button. Buttons have pins, and with all the torturing and fighting and general moving death eaters do, it's almost guarantied that the pin will unhook, and we will get stabbed. And we don't like being stabbed by needles." He stated with his arms crossed

"And besides, we're supposed to be evil, and nothing states badass more then a tattoo, and a scary one at that. So bear with it."

"As for the clothes, you're right. During the ceremony, no one will see them. The clothes are for the reception _after _the ceremony." Draco said as though any idiot with half a brain could figure out that each death eater meeting was closely followed by a reception with good food, fancy drink and live music.

"There's a reception after the ceremony. Of course…why wouldn't it be" Harry muttered sarcastically to himself. The actual evilness of Voldemort and his followers, he decided, was highly overrated.

While Harry was being forced into pretty clothes by Draco, the Dark Lord was trying to figure out how to get Harry initiated into the Death Eaters without Pettigrew finding out. It was a difficult matter.

Both Voldemort and Teddy had put on their thinking hats and sat hunched over a piece of paper. They liked to sketch their plans as they came along.

The thinking hats were these green and silver sombreros. Teddy's had a feather. That was because he was immortal, and immortality is rewarded. Voldemort didn't have a feather, because he hadn't figured out how to become immortal yet, but that was okay, because Teddy was going to help him find immortality as well. Voldemort really wanted a feather in his sombrero.

"Oh Teddy, this isn't working. How are we going to convince him? He's going to find out who Harry really is." Voldemort crumpled up the paper and threw it away. He put his ear to Teddy's mouth.

"Yes…yes. Fine…yes, happy thoughts. Okay…" The Dark Lord sighed and found a blank piece of paper.

They kept sketching.

Four more papers and three broken pencils later it would seem that they had a plan.

"It's ingenious, Teddy." He laughed evilly. Teddy laughed too, but he laughed in Bearish, so you couldn't hear it. Voldemort heard it.

"This is going to work Teddy. I can feel it." He said while staring at the paper gleefully.

AN: I'm ending it here. Hehe.

And just so you know it….I have no idea where this story is going. So if you have any idea, just wrap them in barbwire and throw them at me. Thank you

Yours forever

Not so sane.

_(Formerly known __**as Leader of the 'track down peter Pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad**_


	4. The master plan

**Chapter 4**

**The master plan**

_In which our hero__'s disappearance is known and Wormtail gets fooled._

"DUMBLEDORE!" A random auror's voice boomed through Grimmauld place.

"DUMBLEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……oh" He stopped screaming when he entered the study and found the principal sitting by his desk with his eyebrows raised.

"Yes?"

"What?"

"You were screaming"

"I was…oh…yes. Sorry about that. Won't happen again. I guess I just forgot my indoor- voice. It won't happen again." The auror began to back out of the room, his faced flushed and eyes downcast.

"Okay…good." Dumbledore nodded and played with his beard.

The auror left the room and closed the door gently behind him. Silence ruled the room once more.

….But only for about 15 seconds. For when the 15 seconds had passed, the door burst open again.

It was the same auror.

"DUMBLEDOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" He shouted.

"WHAT?" Dumbledore hollered back.

"I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU"

"WHAT IS IT THEN?"

"HE'S GONE"

"WHO?"

"THE BOY"

"RON?"

"NO"

"NEVILLE?"

"NO"

"SEAM…"

"IT'S THE POTTER KID"

"aaww…now you spoiled it. I wanted to guess."

"Well, you obviously wasn't getting anywhere so I…."

"You didn't let me finish…I was going to say Harry next."

"Sure"

"I was"

"Sure"

"Hey!"

They glared at each other, trying to stare the other into submission. They were both excellent starers.

Dumbledore was the first one to blink as the news hit him

"Wait…Harry is missing?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes…I just got back from his house. According to his family, he hasn't been there for a while." The auror answered, cleaning his ear with his wand.

Dumbledore rested his chin on his hands.

"Are you sure they're not lying? You know that it's typical in fanfics like this that the Dursley family lies too keep Harry there as their punching bag."

"Fanfics, sir?" The Auror asked confusedly.

The principal coughed and straightened up. "Never mind, never mind."

The auror nodded.

"We'll find him, don't worry. Be a good lad and fetch Severus for me, will you?" Dumbledore said and started swinging back and forth on his chair.

"Yes, Sir." The auror said and exited the room, pretending he didn't hear the headmasters _"weeeeeeee"_ as he started spinning.

"Crazy old coot" he muttered.

AN:Well….that was space-filling…

_The twins_

"Did you hear that, George?" Fred Weasly asked his brother from their hiding place.

"I sure did, Fred" George answered.

"Do you think he's really gone?" Fred stepped out of the shadowy corner and dusted his clothes.

"It's possible." George followed his brother.

"Do you think he's safe?"

"I don't know"

"Do you think he needs help?"

"Fred, I already told you. We are not dressing up in tights and capes."

"Tha…hey…I wasn't going to suggest that…"

"Oh, then what were you going to say then, brother dearest."

"I…was going to say that…we should help"

"Without the tights?"

Fred shuffled his feet and wrinkled his nose, as if trying to make a hard decision.

"I….yeah…no tights, okay"

You see, Charlie had come to see his family, and he had bought presents for everyone. Fred and George got a giant pile of comic books. There were Superman-comics, batman-comics, the flash, x-men and so on…and during all the reading, Fred had gotten….a little carried away, and now wanted to be a superhero himself.

"I don't see why you want to dress up like that. You're already like a superhero to muggles…with the magic…and the robes…only they don't know about you."

"Wearing stupid wizard-robes does not strike the same awe in people as a tight spandex suit in flashy colours, George." Fred stomped his foot and pouted

"And your underwear on the outside?" George asked with a raised eyebrow

"Well duh…yes…" Fred answered, as if this was something his twin ought to know.

"Right, but I'm still not doing it."

"Oh come on. I'll let you have the cool cape"

"We don't _have_ capes" George said as he walked toward the stairs, heading to the kitchen.

"We do now." Fred's broad smile could practically be heard miles away.

"What?" George turned

Fred pulled two disgustingly, shiny, colourful, sort of neon-pink and greenish caped seemingly out of nowhere.

_Where did he hide them?_ Was all George could think of

"I made them this morning. See….they sparkle." He waved the fabric around, letting the light reflect in the glitter that he'd glued on earlier.

George was going to tell his brother to put them away before someone saw them, but Fred interrupted.

"See…I made them kinda long, so it'll look cool when we fly. We'll use our brooms of course, since we can't fly like superman. I've already glued glitter on them."

"Who? Superman?"

"No…our brooms, silly."

George was moving towards his brother, fully intent on strangling him too death when a something which looked like a….whirlwind…came crashing towards them. All they saw was a flash of red and then they got knocked to the ground. When they came to, the capes were gone, leaving only a spot of glitter in the floor.

Fred rushed to the sparkly pieces and tentatively touched the spot, as if to feel the capes there. Maybe they had gone invisible. But no….there was no capes there. Fred clenched his fists and raised them towards the sky…umm…ceiling.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU, VILLAAAAAIINNNNN!"

When he fell silent, George reached for him, thinking he was done, but Fred merely gasped a few times

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

George gave up and was about walk down the stairs when Fred's voice, sounding completely unaffected, as though he _hadn't_ just been screaming at the top of his lungs called him back

"So about saving Harry…"

"Fred…we're n.."

The twins froze as they felt a presence behind them

"Fred?" George squeaked.

"hmm" Fred said, sounding as shaky as George

"You don't think…"

"Noooo….it can't be…"

"Oh, but it is." A third voice hissed behind them

"EEEEEEP"

"UUUAAAAHHHHH"

Thus the twins fainted. Snape was a very scary man.

Severus smirked. Oh yeah, he still had it.

_The Dark Lord and Teddy__ present their plan!_

Harry stared incredulously at Voldemort. And not just because he was still wearing the sombrero, but because he had just informed Harry of the plan he and Teddy had thought up to trick Pettigrew into letting Harry join the Death Eaters.

"Are you kidding me? ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME??"

"What?" The Dark lord asked "It's brilliant. Harry, trust me. I've been an evil, dark genious for a lot longer than you and.."

"Of course you've been evil longer than me….I'm not evil…and you're like…5oo years old…"

"Details, details. Now…what I was _trying _to say before I was so rudely interrupted.."

Glare at Harry "Was that me and Teddy have gone over this from a million different

angles…it works."

"How…HOW can it possibly work?" Harry shouted, flapping his arms.

"Don't ask so many questions, Harry. Just go with it!" Voldemort said as he dragged Harry towards a curtain.

"Where are you taking me?" Harry asked worriedly. He didn't like the look on Voldemort's face. It scared him.

"We're going to change you of course."

"Oh Hell No! I'm not changing with you!"

"Why not?"

"You might…peek. Or take advantage of me…or both"

"…."

"You know…denying it would be a comfort… "

"…."

"Please stop staring at me"

"…."

Harry's eyes started tearing up. The Dark Lord had an odd expression on his face…like he was daydreaming. The side of his mouth twitched and he was running his eyes all over Harry. The boy suddenly felt sort of nude.

So when Draco came in the door, Harry couldn't help but crying in relief. He was clinging to the blonde, bawling.

"umm….Harry?"

"UUAAAHHH….HEHHHHH…..YOU CAME TO SAVE ME!" Harry sobbed. Draco was terrified.

After several minutes of hard work and a lot of cooing and cuddling, Harry was once again calm. Draco, Adriana and Voldemort were preparing him for the initiation.

"Are you absolutely _sure _this will work?" He asked for the onemillionthandtwo time.

"Harry" Draco said. "Voldemort has been planning stuff for years…you really should trust him more."

"I think you look wonderful, Harry" Adriana said as she brushed his hair.

"Well…of course I do. But are you _sure_ that I won't get recognized?"

They all stared into the mirror Harry was standing in front of. His sunglasses were shiny and dark, and his fake moustache. It was simple and subtle…and ended in a twirl.

"Harry Potter! You shall no longer be known as Harry Potter. You shall be Laurenco Del Vido Albert Cornelius Von Shculzer!" Voldemort announced proudly. "Larry for shorts" he added after a moment.

They stared at the new Harry, or rather Laurenco Del Vido Albert Cornelius Von Shultzer (Larry for shorts).

"Oh yes, Teddy….this will work. My god, we are so bloody _brilliant_" Voldemort shouted and hugged his stuffed bear-friend.

"Larry, get ready. We're making you a death eater!"

The Dark Lord laughed and ran out of the room to tell Wormtail the news.

_Convincing Wormtail_

When Voldemort entered Pettigrew's quartes…also known as the den, because the name made the rat-man feel more butch, Wormtail was standing in front of a mirror, studying himself from all possible, and some impossible, angles.

"How do you like my new style? Does it make you go…OoooooOOooh" Wormtail said and did a pirouette, showing of his pink silkish suit. Voldemort didn't want to say anything, but the sparkling glitter-vest _did_ make his eyes twinkle just a wee bit.

_That suit would look wonderful with my Thinking-hat._ Voldemort allowed himself a moment to wistfully think of that wonderful Sombrero of his. _I will get that feather some day. Mark my words. One day!_

"Yes, yes…it's pretty. But Wormtail…"

"Yeah…about that…Wormtail just seems so…old…I was thinking of changing my name. What do you think?" The shorter man interrupted.

"Why would you do that? Wormtail works just fine. Now…I really wanted to ask you…"

"No….no. I don't like it anymore. I want a new name. I WANT A NEW NAME! GIMME GIMME GIMME"

…_a man after midnight…_ Voldemort was humming inside his head, tapping his foot as he went along.

He snapped out of it when he realised Wormtail, sorry…_The rat-man formerly known as Wormtail and now temporarily nameless, unless you count Peter Pettigrew!_

"I've got it. I'll get one of those….mr. something names. Those always strike fear and awe in people. Let's see…I will be Mr…ummmm…Mr. E? No, that's used. Mr. Mister? No…that's used as well…Mr….P! YES, THAT'S IT. I WILL NO LONGER BE KNOWN AS WORMTAIL, FROM NOW ON, YOU CAN CALL ME….MR.P!!!"

"Mr…Pee?"

"Yes…Mr.P"

"Pee? You're sure of this? You really want to be known as Mr.Pee" Voldemort asked, closing one eye and scratching his ear.

"Of course I am, you daft fool. If I weren't sure, then I wouldn't have said it" The new Mr. Pee huffed.

"All right…your choice. Umm, so anyway…Mr. Pee, I was wondering if I could initiate another Death Eater tonight."

"Another one? What do you need them for?" Mr. Pee asked as he checked out his attire again.

"They make such wonderful guest at my tea parties. Lucius recons I'll be famed for my tea parties soon. They are rather jolly."

"Whatever….who is this new guy then?"

"His name is Laurenco Del Vido Albert Cornelius Von Shultzer…but we just call him Larry. Makes him seem more approachable." Voldemort answered proudly. He was great at this planning stuff. He should make a living out of it. Okay…so plotting evil plans is basically what he did do now…but he wanted more.

"Maybe I'll become a wedding-planner." He thought out loud. _I do have an outstanding taste when it comes to decorating for festivities. _

Mr. Pee thought for a moment.

"Larry….Larry…sound's an awful lot like…."

_Ohnoes_._ He knows he knows. Abort mission. Abort, abort! NOBODY PANIC PEOPLE. We'll sing him to sleep if we must._

"…Narry… No, doesn't ring a bell. And this man is a bad person?"

"Oh yes, absolutely, Mr. Pee…You'll love him." Voldemort nodded enthusiastically.

"Fine then, he can join your silly little club. But keep him out of my den, okay. This crib is for Mr. P onleh, and he don't share with no one. Mr. P ain't down with that shit." He said as he added some bling bling to his fingers.

_Oh…sparkles. Want…sparkles._

With one last longing glance at sparkles, Voldemort skipped out the door to prepare the tables for Harry's, otherwise knows as Larry's initiation to the death eaters ranks, aka tea party.

_It's time to break out the good china. _

_China…they should have called it Finland._


End file.
